“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”
- Marcus Tullius Cicero
Sometimes, I’m not okay. Sometimes, I struggle. Sometimes, my mind goes to a dark place, and I’m tired, and I’m aching, and there’s an old wound deep inside me. Why am I telling you this? Because I am not fucking ashamed of it. And nobody should be.
We’re all human. We’re all prone to imperfection. And from time to time, we all feel as though things are stacked against us and the path forward is hard. If you’re not okay right now, you’re allowed to feel it. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to pretend with me, and you certainly don’t have to pretend with the people you love.
If you’re not okay right now, maybe it’s time to reach out and say the words.
Because holding it in, just ain’t an option.
I hope you know that you don’t have to suppress what hurts. You might not be okay. But one day, you will be. I know you will be. 😘
All my love,
Build a nest for yourself. I love doing this. Piling up blankets and cushions in a corner of the couch, and hiding under a pile of books, snacks and cups of tea. It’s quiet, it’s calming and it feels safe. Try it this weekend.
Think about your spoons. Spoon theory is about how much mental or physical energy a person has for daily activities and tasks. Everything you do, everything you engage with, takes a certain number of spoons. How many do you have left today? How can you conserve them? (Read more here!)
Don’t cook tonight. Take the evening off. Order takeout. Eat it in front of the TV. Being an adult and having it all together can wait. Tonight it’s all about Pad Kee Mao.
🎙 5 Questions With…
Who are you, and what do you do - in one sentence?
I'm Jess Thoms, a marketer at heart who has founded several businesses and writes a lot. I'm currently running marketing at Grey Lynn Gin after becoming an angel investor, working on a direct-to-consumer skincare brand, and writing an essay collection!
How do you practice self care and look after your mental and physical wellbeing?
Physically, I do pilates which I love for both physical and mental health. Also, managing acne for over a decade has taught me the importance of self care rituals that compound into real results. For me that looks like an effective skincare routine, getting massages when possible, taking baths, dry body brushing, and wearing sunscreen (very important). Some of these physical rituals may sound small, but they help me feel more centred and present in my body. I treat them as little promises to myself that I keep each day. Mentally, I see a clinical psychologist. Normalise therapy! I'm also a fan of habit tracking and to-do lists to help me feel less overwhelmed managing day to day tasks.
What is the one question you’ve always wanted someone to ask you? And what’s your answer?
What's the hardest thing you've had to learn? Literally everything. Life is about learning, it's hard, but it's what life is about. There's no shortcut. I thought there was for a long time.
What book would you give to someone who wants to change their life and their path?
As someone who struggles with self-sabotage, Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz is a book I return to time and time again. In terms of learning from other people's lived experience, I'm a fan of memoirs like This is Going To Hurt by Adam Kay, Eggshell Skull by Bri Lee, and Uncanny Valley by Anna Wiener.
What is your Hill to Die On? (IE, the one belief or principle you have on which you’d stake everything)
I write a weekly newsletter that explores unpopular opinions and hills to die on. My hills in life: boundaries are your best friend, forgiveness isn't always required, mute your friends who don't spark joy, embrace your vices, and spite can be productive.
💻 Use: U;Good
“Our busyness sometimes becomes worse, and we lack time to even send a text, a simple check-in: U Good? Regardless of our preoccupation, we must always check-in on our friends and families because it helps us strengthen our relationships, improving our social lives.”
📱 Read: It’s not enough to be right. You also have to be kind.
“Reason is easy. Being clever is easy. Humiliating someone in the wrong is easy too. But putting yourself in their shoes, kindly nudging them to where they need to be, understanding that they have emotional and irrational beliefs just like you have emotional and irrational beliefs—that’s all much harder. So is not writing off other people. So is spending time working on the plank in your own eye than the splinter in theirs. We know we wouldn’t respond to someone talking to us that way, but we seem to think it’s okay to do it to other people.”
🎧 Listen: Gentler
“Join me on my journey of post-grad self-care, personal development, and adulthood. Listen to the self care podcast today!”