“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” - Henry Rollins
I don’t know that I put much stock in the idea that there are good people and bad people. It’s something that we learn about the world, about the darkness and the light, from a young age - but I find it far too simplistic. I find it removes responsibility and it becomes a crutch for the worst of our behaviours. We forgive all manner of sins by making believe that deep down inside, we’re good people.
But that’s a lie.
We aren’t good people because we say we are, or we believe we are. We’re good people based purely on the choices that we make. The choices that we make to be kind, to be warm, to show love, to let love in, to offer respect, to offer our time, to be generous with our labour. Those are what really matter. We make a series of choices that denote the kind of people we are.
And along the way, some of those choices are going to be awfully shitty. And some of them are going to be tests that we will fail by making decisions that are hurtful. What matters the most is that in the greater equation, our good choices come out on top. In the end, I honestly don’t care what kind of person you think I am. I care that I can point to enough active choices to prove what kind of person I am.
In 2017, I burned down my entire life through selfishness, ego, alcoholism and indifference. I don’t get to look back on that and tell myself that it’s okay, because I was still good when it mattered. I do get to look back on it and feel proud about the series of choices I made after that to become the person I am today. Damn proud.
I think they said it best in Batman. It’s not who you are. It’s what you do that defines you.
All my love,
Set a date to have the people you love come to your home and share a meal with you. That’s one of the most innate expressions of love available to us; to let our safe place become someone else’s safe place and give them sustenance. Set a date and plan to cook something that means warmth to you.
I am a big believer in asking for help. Even if that help needs to be professional. This week, I’m going to book in to see my therapist and to see a chiropractor. I think, if you’ve been wondering whether to look for that kind of help too, the answer is yes. And the the time is now.
It’s time to wash your hair. No excuses my darling. Wash your hair, and take the time to do it. This is your regular reminder. We can’t let it get away from us forever. We need to pull up our socks and get it done.
For Your Spellbook Journal
What do you believe? What’s one thing that you believe, thoroughly and sincerely with all your heart? I believe, for example, in the power of redemption, and the ability of all of us to change the choices we’ve been making for the better.
What about you my love?