#226 / Boundaries are not negotiable.

Saturday Edition

“Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”– Brian Jacques


red and yellow flowers on white wall

A person’s boundaries are such a deeply personal thing. They’re not really there for any of us to understand, or grapple with, or debate, or discuss. They’re simply there for us to respect and take seriously and live by. Even if they’re boundaries that preclude what we wanted, that separate us, or that keep us at arms’ length. If that’s what they need, that’s what they need.

But it’s important that while you look for and support someone else’s boundaries, you do the same for yourself. What are you okay with? What are you not okay with? What makes you feel safe? What makes you frightened, what terrifies you, what stands as an obstacle between you and your dignity? Whatever those boundaries are, own them and know - you have every, every single right to them.

There’s a not insignificant chance that we’d all be a little happier if we normalised sharing those boundaries openly, rather than locking them away out of awkwardness or discomfort, and in doing so locking away our chance to live out loud and live as ourselves without the prickly fear of violation, abuse or mistreatment.

All my love,

Joan

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Err on the side of honesty this week. It’s a good path to choose. Honesty is really the only promise you can give to another human being, that you have the sole responsibility to keep, that you have the absolute potential to keep, and that can solidify any relationship. Be honest, because you deserve it, as much as they do.  


Pick one small element of structure and incorporate it into your days and your life. A set wake up alarm. A set bed time alarm. Scheduled coffee breaks if you’re working from home. I don’t believe structural rigidity works for everyone - but a little more of it could help you right now.


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Let your computer restart and install its damn updates. You know why? Because you’re getting yourself into the habit of choosing to delay the personal tasks that will reduce friction in your life, and it’s a habit that will have a creeping flow on effect into every other area. Think about it. You know I’m right my dear…


For Your Spellbook Journal

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Ask yourself one question in your journal today. Was I happy with the week behind me? Why, or why not?