#258 / You can't save everyone all the time. That's not your job.
“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night“
- Joan Didion
It’s easy to feel responsible for the people around us. The people we love, and adore and hold dear. But loving someone doesn’t mean you have to constantly protect them from everything, or be eternally committed to saving them from themselves. Loving someone doesn’t mean that it’s your job to come to their rescue, whenever things start to fall apart.
I’m not advocating abandoning your friends; but the truth is, you need to look after yourself. You can’t be there for anyone, if you’re burned out and hurt by the constant demands of your relationships. You won’t save anyone from drowning if you don’t have the strength left to swim back to shore.
Your best friends will understand that. They won’t treat you like a shock absorber. They won’t weigh you down until you can no longer carry your own burdens. They’ll share their weight as much as they’ll share yours. And they won’t attempt to make you feel guilty, when you reach your limits.
This is hard to accept. We’re programmed to feel like a**holes when we lay down our boundaries or put ourselves first.
But we’re allowed to.
We’re allowed to be okay.
All my love,
Take your medication, but forgive yourself if you forget. I'm bad at this on the weekends. I forgot to knock back my hormones on Saturday, and I started feeling guilty and bothered by it, and I had to work pretty hard not to let it ruin my mood and my night. I know it's hard to remember sometimes, but if you need to take medication today, please do it! And if you forget, remember that you're human and you're allowed to, and you'll remember tomorrow ✨🖤✨
Take some time away from the world. It’s noisy out there. There’s so much going on. There’s so much to pay attention to. And it can become too much, so quickly. If you don’t have the bandwidth today, say so. Cancel your plans. Back out. Draw the curtains. Order some snacks. It’s cool. We all get it.
Make some space for something creative. It can be anything! Cross stitch. Finger painting. Music making. Drawing. Writing a poem. Knitting. But something creative that takes your whole self, so it can't be stolen by the noise of the day. You don't have to show anyone. It can be just for you... ✨